How to Bring Out the Worst in Your Children

If for some strange reason you desire for your children to behave poorly, simply follow these steps.

  1. Go to the grocery store over the dinner hour.
  2. Take all of your children with you.
  3. Be sure your children are hungry.
  4. Get one of the carts that is in the shape of a bus or a firetruck.
  5. It's always fun if the seat belt straps don't work.
  6. Don't let that stop you from using the said cart.
  7. Strap the preschoolers in the seats knowing full well they can still get out.
  8. Place the baby's car seat in the cart basket.
  9. Look at your grocery list and locate the items on it.
  10. Instruct preschoolers to please not climb on top of the "bus".
  11. Repeat #10 approximately 307 times.
  12. Realize this isn't a battle worth fighting as you know better than to ever, ever, ever run errands over the dinner hour.
  13. Drive home while glancing at the clock that reads 5:12 p.m. and wonder, "What was I thinking?"
  14. Realize that the answer to that question is that you weren't actually thinking, at least not about strategic grocery shopping.
  15. Take a deep breath, smile, and realize you can't win 'em all.

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